Minimal Democrat

HURRAH! IT’s election time again. Although for some politicians, the campaign is over already. When nominations for May’s council contest closed this week, Stephen McCabe, the Labour leader of Inverclyde council found he’d been instantly re-elected. Just three candidates are standing in his three-member Inverclyde East ward, so they’re all shoo-ins. There is a downside, however. Mr McCabe now has to work out what to do with the 5,000 election leaflets that got delivered yesterday. Papier-mâché anyone?

Red faced

STILL, not as awkward as the fate of the Communist Party's Johnnie Hunter, who announced he was standing in the Glasgow Canal Ward. “Great night hitting the campaign trail with comrades,” he tweeted on Wednesday, urging would-be helpers to get in touch. The only teeny-weeny snag was that he hadn’t put in his nomination papers, and so wasn’t a candidate after all. His twitter account has now been deleted. Should have had a five-year plan, comrade.

Puss in Zoom

AS Derek Mackay’s former office gopher, Natalie Don is used to indignities. But the Nat MSP still seemed rattled in a Holyrood debate on Tuesday. Easily eclipsing her online speech, a large vertical cat was seen clawing its way up her chair back, until she lobbed it back to earth. “Please ignore my cat, which appeared there - I'm sorry about that," she winced. “And I apologise for not telling your cat that there should be no interventions or interruptions during your speech,” purred deputy PO Liam McArthur.

Ferry unhappy

POLITICALLY savvy comic Matt Forde went down a storm at the Stand club in Edinburgh this week as as he mocked the leaders of all parties. Until, that is, he did a bit on Nicola Sturgeon and the ferry fiasco, at which point an angry FM-fan stormed out. Asked why he was leaving, he told Matt: “Because I’m Scottish and you’re an a***hole!” Besides getting a big laugh from the crowd, it also gave Matt the perfect line to end his show later. “You’ve been Scottish, I’ve been an a***hole. Goodnight.” And so a catchphrase is born.

Towel trouble

TABLOID hack turned Tory MSP Russell Findlay recently got a scoop when he discovered a load of fancy hot water taps being delivered to Holyrood. It turned out the order was worth a crazy £125k. He thought he’d found another this week when he stumbled on 16 boxes of towels. “What are they running? A sports centre?” he fumed on Twitter. Parly bosses pointed out the towels had been discarded in the changing rooms used by sweaty MSPs. “They are waiting to be uplifted for our charity contractor for recycling / disposal as appropriate.” Unspun prays no one gets a recycled blast of MSP musk. Burn them all!

Supper class

HAS Unspun been too harsh on Scottish Secretary Alister Jack? Despite his tweedy laird persona, we hear he was humbly scoffing cheese and onion Tayto crisps in the pub on a work trip to Belfast on Thursday. Could he be a man of the people, after all? Oh, hang on, that was just a starter. He then taxied off for some fine dining with chums in the white linen Meat Locker restaurant, where his fillet steak started at £35 before sauce. No doubt to chew over the cost of living. He is a man of the people. Just not people like us.