Croft conversion

AFTER last week’s item on SNP Westminster leader Ian Blackford, we bring readers more news on the self-styled “humble crofter”. Not content with two homes on Skye, we hear Ian and his wife recently snapped up a luxurious £420k flat in that other well-known corner of Gaeldom, Glasgow’s leafy west end. The three-bedroom pad boasts a designer bar, custom-made bed, double spa bath, and a steam room with an “extra-wide tropical shower head”, presumably in case any extra-wide crofters need to clean off a hard day’s peat. In keeping with Mr Blackford’s love of the land, the gaffe comes with access to “incomparable” private gardens. But knowing his democratic tastes, surely a humble community buy-out is only a matter of time.

Wowie Bowie

Aberdeenshire Tory MP Andrew Bowie has been naively promoting his outdoor surgeries by plastering social media with pics of himself and a gazebo bearing the slogan “MP on the Green”. Worldlier colleagues have now advised him “on the green” is slang for being wasted on marijuana. Mr Bowie is also a Tory “vice chair”. Perhaps he should rethink that title as well.

Slipped disc

A MUSICAL metaphor ended in a bum note for Michael Gove the other day. Noting the gold discs behind former Runrig member SNP MP Pete Wishart during a committee session, the Cabinet Office minister likened the band to the Union. “Since Runrig broke up I do not think you, Donnie or anyone else has secured a gold disc,” he noted. “Our UK is stronger together when we are singing the same songs together while, at the same time, respecting our different talents.” Mr Wishart wasn’t buying it. “Tell that to Robbie Williams,” he snapped back. Mr Gove winced. “Take that, some might say,” he said, accepting the hit.

Chamber of horrors

MR Gove wasn’t the only minister left squirming of late. We hear new SNP parliamentary business manager George Adam had a rocky start by failing to secure enough ringside seats in the Holyrood chamber for cabinet secretaries. One lowly MSP had to give up their spot for Shona Robison, then Humza Yousaf had to stew at the back. Worse, George then had to explain to John ‘Numbers’ Swinney he’d miscalculated. Eeek.

Modest? Moi?

AS Holyrood settles in after the election, new MSPs have been making their debut speeches. Most bang on about their constituencies. But Tory Stephen Kerr, while mentioning his Central Scotland region in passing, appeared keener on himself. The merry Mormon twice quoted from the mini-sermon he gave to MSPs on behalf of his church in 2001. He then twice quoted his maiden speech as an MP in the Commons in 2017. As Mr Kerr himself said 20 years ago, “Dear Father in heaven…”

Out of the mouths...

OTHER newbies included Green ultra Maggie Chapman, who blamed the pandemic on the “economic model that emerged in the 1970s”. In fact, “the lives of the thousands who died were sacrificed to neoliberalism”. That should go down well with Nicola Sturgeon in the joint government talks. Nat Paul McLennan described being a Hibs fan: “A harrowing experience at the best of times.” While Meghan Gallacher shed some light on how she entered politics. “When I left high school, I didn’t have a clear career path.” Although being a Tory in Scotland, she still doesn’t.